The Ghost Of You
by Evanes Grace
Summary: A Frerard songfic, inspired by "The Ghost Of You"- My Chemical Romance. Gerard Way has three fateful days in his life. One that gives him the love of a lifetime; one that breaks him down, and one that takes away everything, forever...


_I never..._

_Said I'd lie and wait forever..._

Frank lies there. Eyes close. Motionless. The white blanket covers the lower part of his body, revealing his pale chest. Like he has become a part of the white beddread. His heartbeat, slow and weak, creats a boring rhythm through the wires sticked on his chest, to the machine next to him.

Gerard sits there. Mind closed. Emotionless. His hazel eyes watching Frank's unconscious face, the motionless and pale body in the blanket. Frank's heartbeat creats a boring rhythm, echoing in his head like in a silent, hollow cave.

The old memories are flashing before Gerard's eyes.

The memories about him and the person lying there.

--------------

That day back in New Jersey. A snowy day. Mikey was excited. The kids from his new school made the house so noisy.

Gerard didn't give any attention when Mikey introduced them to his brother. Until there was a smile and a voice which made him notice.

"Hi, I'm Frank. Frank Iero. Nice to meet ya"

The boy in black T-Shirt had dark hair and big, round hazel-green eyes

When their hands touched, Gerard felt something strange inside his chest.

That day became fateful.

---------------

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever gonna…_

Then, naturally, they started to have "first times"

The first times that Gerard would never forget

The first times that would haunt his mind forever...

The first time their eyes met, not involuntarily.

Gerard had a glance at where Mikey and his close friends were having fun in the living room, just to find Frank gazing at him from behind the music magazine he was pretending to read. Recognised that, Frank rapidly turned his sight to the papers in his hands, face blushed a little.

He didn't know, Gerard's heart skipped a beat.

The first time they were alone together.

They walked along the seaside, watched the beautiful sunrise. A little chasing and Gerard got caught. They both fell to the sand and laughed so hard. At a moment, Gerard caught a glimpse of the magnificent sunrise - right in Frank's eyes. He couldn't stop himself saying that to Frank, supposed he sounded really stupid. But then, Frank smiled. The smile was even more magnificent than the sunrise, sunset or anything beautiful in this life. It can't be described, once he'd seen it.

For the first time, Gerard felt breathless.

The first time they shared a kiss.

The background was just like a romantic movie: A large, placid lake beside the flower garden and the forest. The moon shining bright in the middle of the dark sky, reflected by the lake's surface. Even though for a long while, both Gerard and Frank said nothing. As if they didn't want to break the silence, it seemed to be awkward.

But when, again both Gerard and Frank, looked up at each other to say something, they knew nothing needed to be said. It was coming to them.

As their lips touched, Gerard felt like there were fireworks right inside of him. A sweet melody played in his head. Frank's lips tongue felt better than anything he'd ever tasted. Chocolate, honey, coffee, or cake...none of them could be compared with them. It's like they were melting in each other's mouth, in the fascinating moonlight. It's like they could stay like that forever…

It's like, from that moment, Gerard's beartbeat had stopped.

...

There are so many other first times. Then no-longer-first times. Gerard remembers them all. Every moment he shared with Frank is something he can never get loose. He loves knew that. Even though the feelings were like a fire burning his heart, he enjoyed it. He couldn't help it, but he wanted nothing more. Frank was everything to him.

So many times, he thanked God for giving him such a treasure, swore he'd protect it and keep it safe with him as long as he's alive.

...Or even when one of them dies, like Frank added.

_If I died, we'd be together_

_I can't always just forget her_

_But she could try..._

Then Gerard started to feel scared.

He always had a vague fear that Frank would slip away whenever he didn't hold on. The fear that his beloved would leave him and disappear into the darkness, forever...The fear got even stronger when he was with Frank. It obsessed, exhausted, and tormented Gerard. He never felt really peaceful with those horrible thoughts lingering in his mind.

He tried to forget them. Told himself that the day would never come. Pretended that he was completely unworried about the existence of Frank - his breath, his blood, his spirit, for then and from then on.

What Gerard just didn't knew...

...was his sense was right.

-------------

_Ever..._

_Get the feeling that you're never_

_All alone and I remember now_

_At the top of my lungs in my arms_

_She dies_

_She dies..._

"Gerard?"

"Hey, Mikey. How's the game?"

"Gerard, you have to come to the hospital, NOW!"

"What? What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"It's Frank."

Gerard dropped the phone. His eyes suddenly became blurred. He couldn't hear anything but that short and brief answer, echoing in his empty mind. His chest felt a sharp pain, like being cut by a blade.

The next thing he could remember was his rushing heartbeat. The wind screamed and cried beside his ears, along with hundreds of questions, doubts and unnamed worries.

For the first time, his mind was left taken over by that fear.

_At the end of the world_

_Or the last thing I see_

_You are_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Could I?_

_Should I?..._

Frank looked surprisingly weak and exhausted. His skin was pale and a little green. His eyes, they were like, he was wearing eyeliner. He was lying on the patient's bed, still wearing his baseball uniform. He didn't even seem wakeful, even though he put on the usual joyful smile when he saw Gerard plunging into the recovering room of the hospital.

"Why? Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I promised I'd never make you sad or worried about me, didn't I?"

Still that brilliant smile. But that time, it made Gerard's heart twist.

"But you promised you'd never lie to me or hide anything!"- Gerard cried. Tears started to run from the hazel eyes- "You broke your promise! I hate you! I hate you!!....."

He was angry, very angry. Angry with himself. Remembering all those times when he swore to protect Frank, never let him alone, never let him bear any pain, as long as he's alive. And then, Frank was lying there, suffering, facing the disease that had been killing him slowly for a long time. Gerard couldn't help the emotions as the thoughts came out, painfully clear in his head. He didn't want to. He loved Frank, and that was all that he knew. He hated to find himself helpless at any situations, especially for Frank. He should have known something was not right, something was going on with Frank. How could he not recognise anything? How could he not know something was wrong?...

So he just let out all the fears, the sadness, the anger towards himself, shout them out loud at the person who happened to be the one he adored more than anything in this world.

Frank did nothing but silently watching Gerard yelling at him like that. He understood how he felt - he always did. When Gerard'd finished, he gently wiped away the tears on his face.

"Look, Gerard..."

Gerard looked up at Frank. He smiled warmly, his hand combed and caress Gerard's hair.

"It's okay. I'm okay now. I'm not gonna die yet, so don't worry."

"Do I have to wait until you die? It's not like you don't know the disease!"

"Well since I'm still alive what are you worried about?"

"Do you know how I feel right now? How can you still act like nothing is happening?"- Gerard cried again, this time a bit indignantly.

Frank sit up, leaned his lower back on the white pillow. Using both of his hands, he held Gerard's face, turned it so that they were looking straight to each other's eyes. Their noses were almost touching.

"Because, Gerard...I've had you"

Gerard went breathless. Frank's hazel-green eyes looked so loving, and so strong at the same time. They looked straight into Gerard's with full of love and encouragement:

"You are all that I need. I know I can always believe in you, no matter what. With you, there's nothing to be afraid of. With you, I can overcome everything. With you, I am always safe...Do you feel the same way?"

Gerard slowly nodded. It felt like he was just about to cry again.

"I love you, Gee"- Frank smiled happily, embraced Gerard with a tight cuddle, despite his physical weakness.

"I love you too, Frankie"- Gerard smiled and hugged Frank back, felt a strong sense of faith inspired by Frank's words. All fears, sadness and anger suddenly disappeared. He believed in Frank, too. He believed that Frank'd always be right. The worries about his sense had vanished.

And there's another thing that he didn't know...

...Is that life never goes the easy way.

Another fateful day in his life.

---------------

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Could I?_

_Should I?_

_And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me_

_For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me..._

---------------

Now Gerard is sitting in the same room, on the same chair, at the same place that he has been everyday for months. Before his shallow eyes, the images of their old days are returning, flashing before his eyes like a movie. The drama of his life.

This is going to end soon- Gerard tells himself as the secenes keep changing, bringing him the flashbacks of those moments when Frank's around. His smile, his voice, his ...everything. They used to make Gerard happy. But now...they're hurting, terribly aching in his hardened heart. Gerard knows where the story is going. He lived it. And now he'll end it. It won't hurt any longer...

Suddenly, he smirks. before his eyes, another Gerard is stepping into the room with a grin on his face and flowers hidden behind his back. Only to find Frank lying, motionless and unconscious, just like Frank now. Then he lets out a loud, painful and miserable cry as the elder man in blouse explains what happened. The watching Gerard pulls a wry face. After all these times, it still hurts. That feeling...he still has it, clearly, feels like living the past once again.

The flashback's Gerard collapses, drops the flowers and holds the blanket on Frank's bed, shaking and crying hopelessly in depressing sobs

The present's Gerard closes his eyes, clasps his hands and leans against his thumbs. Something's brimming over in his throat.

…

"Gerard?"

Gerard wants to rub his eyes, but is afraid to wipe away the illusion he's seeing.

"Gerard? What's wrong? You look like someone just ate your favorite comics!"- Frank is looking at him worrily. He looks just like the days before that horrible day, which makes Gerard starled. As if it never happened, and he has just been dreaming a terrifying nightmare.  
"Put that face away and come here with me!"- Franks smiles and extends his hand- "Tell me what's wrong and we'll try to solve it together."  
Gerard looks at Frank's hand. Is it real? Or is this just the beautiful dream before the worst thing happens? No, it feels so...good. Too good to expect something bad to happen afterwards.  
"Hey, what are you looking at? Take my hand! I'll cheer you up!"  
Gerard keeps staring. Magically, he sees halos from Frank's hands. And then from his whole body. His smile even makes it brighter. The lights sends out a comfortable, graceful warmth, making Gerard feel so peaceful. The feelings are so strong and attarcting...He wants to grab it. He wants to hold that shining precious thing, and then never let go. Even if this is a dream- he decides- he has to take it. Now or never. He'll grab these final lights of his life. And then he'll keep them with him, forever...

"Beep...beep...beep...beeeeeeeeee....."

_If I fall  
If I fall...  
Down..._

Again, Gerard was starled, this time by the sound at the corner of the room. He opens his eyes and lifts his head, in a moment of astonishment. But then he stands up and lets out a sigh.  
Of sadness.  
Or of relief.

He steps toward the patient's bed, where Frank is still lying, giving no sign that the life has gone out of his body just for a few seconds. He kneels down and looks closely at Frank. Carefully, he takes off the oxygen mask, admires every detail of the face he hasn't completely seen for a long time.  
"Even when you're no longer here, you're still so beautiful."- Gerard whispers. He uses one hand to caress Frank's hair and face, and placed a soft kiss on his pale forehead.  
Then, like he has wanted to do for so long, he kisses Frank on his lips. Softly but passionately. Enough for him to sense the familliar taste of Frank. That addicting taste… It's still there. A strange though flashes over that Gerard is taking away the rest of the air in the dead's lungs.

When Gerard lifts his head up, he saw a drop of water on Frank's face, right below his closed left eye. He rapidly wipes his eyes, puts a hand on Frank's forehead.

"It's okay. It's just a goodbye for now. Then we will be together soon. Very soon…"

Leaving the last smile, Gerard turns away, steps hurrily through the blue door, doesn't forget to shut it quietly behind his back.

Outside, it's snowing.

_At the end of the world_

_Or the last thing I see_

_You are_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_And all the things that you never ever told me_

_And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me_

_Never coming home_

_Never coming home_

_Could I? Should I?..._

As the door shuts, something happens. From under Frank's closed left eyelid, a big, round and transparent drop of water appears. It mixed with Gerard's tear on his cheek. The big drop of water blinks for a few seconds in the lights.

And then, it flowed down, disappears on the white pillow of the hospital.

The final fateful day.

_And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me_

_For all the ghosts that are never gonna…_


End file.
